Social Schizophrenia

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419 Love
NaNo 2011
cat_exploded
Title: 419 Love
Author: eponine254
Fandom/Character(s)/Pairing(s): Original
Genre: General/romance/humour
Rating: G
Words: 1255
Challenge/Prompt: fictionland #09: These Pens Were Made for Writing. Prompt 13 (Style: Letter).
Warnings: None
Notes: Partially inspired by Lauren Beukes's Zoo City. The original letter is an edited version of an email I once received. Portions of the second email are from Scam o Rama. Erm... But I swear some of it's mine.
Summary: A 419 Scammer and her potential victim get chatting.

419 Love

From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Good day and Compliments,

I got your contact from the internet, and picked interest to write you. I am a female student of University of Nigeria, Lagos. I am 24 yrs old.

I will love to have a long-term relationship with you and to know more about you. I would like to build up a solid foundation with you in time coming if you will be able to help me in this transaction. Well, my father died earlier two months ago and left me and my younger brother behind. He was a king, which our town citizens titled him before he died.

I was a princess to him and I am the only person who can take care of his wealth now because my younger brother is still a kid and my mother is not literate enough to know my entire father's wealth. He left $7,350,000 [Seven million Three hundred and fifty thousand dollars) in Security company, and I don't know how to start up with the wholething and what I will do to invest this money somewhere in abroad, so that my father's kindred will not take over what belongs to my father and his name, which they are planning to do without my concept because I am a female as stated by our culture in Africa.

That is why I felt happy when I saw your contact because I strongly believe that by the grace of God, you will surely help me invest this money. I am ready to pay 20% of the total amount to you if you will sincerely help us in this business and another 10% interest of annual income to you, for handling this business for us, which you will strongly have absolute control over.

If you will handle this project sincerely and also willing to assist me in lifting this fund, kindly reach me and I will link you to The Security Company for further agreement. Please, note that this transaction is 100% risk free and I hope to commence the transaction as quickly as possible, I look forward hearing from you soonest.

I am ready to prove the Legitimacy of this transaction as Princess Regina Williams Ajana of Ogoni Kingdom, Rivers State.

Yours sincerely,
Princess Regina Williams

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Dear Princess Regina (or should I call you “your highness”?)

Nice try. I especially liked the bit about being a female “as stated by our culture in Africa”. Good one!

Yours sincerely
Alex


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Dear sir

Thankyou for your interest in my case! I hope you will send by the grace of God sundry informations so that I can transfer you my Father's money. Here is a picture of me – I hope we can have successful interaction!! Please send me

1}Your full name
2}Your phone ,and fax number for easy communication.
3}Your full banking information ,where the money will be transfered into in your favour.
4}Occupation ,and country of origin.
5}Postal address ,and a copy of your current pages picture.
To enable me present your full name as the rigth Beneficiary Legally.
Please you should always keep the full confidentiallity of this transfer until success is acheive.
I awaits for your urgent reply soon ,as you know time is not on ourside.

Yours sincerely
Princess Regina

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Dear Regina

Seriously, does this ever actually work?

Yours in amusement
Alex

P.S. Whoever she is, she's cute! Bet she'd be pissed to know you're using her picture.


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Dear Mr Alex

I do not understand. That is my picture. I hope one day meet you. Please, there is not alot of Time. My Father's relatives will claim to his money if you can not help me to transfer to your account. I will like to share 20% of my Father’s money with you if you canassist me in this matter.

Yours sincerely
Princess Regina

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Dear Regina

Pull the other one. You're not getting any money out of me. I’d tell you I wasn’t born yesterday, but I fear you’d only ask for my birth certificate to prove it.

Love and kisses
Alex

P.S. Do you know that it takes me ten seconds to Google "Ogoni Kingdom" and find out this is a 419 scam? I'd scambait you, but I couldn't be bothered.
P.P.S. Why do you do it? Don't you have better things to occupy your time? Take up crocheting.


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Alex

You'd be surprised how well it pays.

Regina

P.S. Don't you have better things to do than reply to a 419 scammer? Take up crocheting.

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Hey Regina

Touché. Your job's probably more interesting than mine. What happened to the charmingly rustic language?? I thought the erratic capitalisation added a nice touch. Really authentic (if you were going for a Germanic feel). Shouldn't you be off scamming someone else by now? And who was the girl in the picture?

Yours in knitting
Alex


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Hi Alex

Is thisBetter? It's how we type, in our country of Africa. It's my day off. What’s your excuse?

Believe it or not, that's really me. Sometimes clients like to meet the helpless refugee they've saved from dire poverty. It helps if she's available for looking sad and pathetically grateful and laying on the religious metaphors with a trowel. Everyone likes to think they're on a mission from God.

What do you do?

Regina

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Regina

Much Better! But the syntax still needs work. It’s just not the same now.

I work in IT. It was either that or clown school. The tricks aren't as much fun, but the pay's better. Pity the audience's IQ is lower (for the IT stuff, I mean). I might take up 419 scams in my free time... How do you get into it? I thought I might shake things up by inventing my own small African kingdom, but I’m still picking out a name. Can I borrow your picture to send to potential victims – oh sorry, clients?

Yours in future scamming
Alex


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Alex

Well, the best way to get into it is to owe a massive debt to the local ganglord. Try it out. It's great.

Regina

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Hey Regina

Ouch. Sorry. So I guess I'll put that small African kingdom on hold until then. Where do you work from? I assume you're not actually in Rivers State (where is that??).

Geographically yours
Alex


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Alex

JFGI. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rivers_State.

But no, as it happens, I'm in Hillbrow. Not that it's any of your business.

Regina

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Regina

A ha, but you told me anyway! I must be winning you over with my many charms. You should see my juggling. So are you going to tell me your real name?

Yours in curiosity
Alex


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Yebo, sure thing. Let me also just give you my bank details and pay a small transfer fee so you can give me millions of dollars from your deceased father’s riches.

Regina

P.S. Don’t flatter yourself. I bet I’m a better juggler than you.

From: alex_s@g.email.com
To: princessregina@yahoo.com

Hi Regina

Very funny. Well, since you're obviously bored, want to get coffee? Killarney Mall, 11am?

Hopefully
Alex


From: princessregina@yahoo.com
To: alex_s@g.email.com

Killarney Mall? What are you, 80? Fine. But only because I'm bored. I'll bring the crochet hooks, you bring the juggling balls. See you there.

Regina

  • 1
Aw! They're very cute. And I really like the idea of Alex becoming friends with his 419 scammer.

  • 1
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